T_SHiA's Xanga

dunzo.

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 21:07:26 GMT

&i have officially moved to blogger: trishiiia.blogspot.com

farewell, xanga, i will see you again one day.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 05:42:39 GMT

After awhile you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean possession
and company doesn't mean security.
and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up
and your eyes ahead
with the grace of an adult
not the grief of a child
and you learn to build your roads today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight.
after awhile you learn that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
and you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
-After a while by Veronica A. Shoffstall.

and thats my goal - to learn.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Sun, 31 Aug 2008 10:40:14 GMT

so much has changed but i honestly think it took that for me to go back to church and back to kinda living above the influence. now i think its about time i shape my shit up and become who i always wanted to become and who i always wanted in a person because you cant really have your dream person if you dont strive for the same things.

dont let anyone break you.
for real tho - dont you fucking dare.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 08:51:20 GMT

hello hello xanga :]
since i have work at 5 am today, i've decided im just going to stay up and see how things go
get ready for an emo blogg - ive been thinking a lot lately.
.
anyway, i watched this really cool movie this evening with some good friends and this movie pretty much said to "dont let any obstacles in your path break you or prevent you from fighting for who you love no matter what." no matter what. its funny how i can still write pages and pages on this topic after its been so long. i really dont know if this is supposed to be a sign to show me that i need to do something about it, or if its just me being a crazy, desperate little girl that doesnt know how to move on with her life. frankly, i just keep going back and forth between these two ideas and remembering tiny things about him that showed he cared like how he used to read this thing like almost religiously, and how he remembered and listened and understood everything i ever told him most of the time. then i wonder if he still reads this and if he thinks im the crazy, desperate little girl that needs to move on already that i think i am most of the time or if it makes him smile or remember or miss me just a teeeeeeny little bit. i kno its been over a year - its kinda still hard to believe its been that long - and so many things, factors, and people have changed including myself, but i just dont know still. im still in the same place as before except now im not hurting myself anymore by stumbling blindly into these crazy trips, highs and lows.

i was talking with a friend about this like decemberish and then again whenever we have the time to just chill and conversate and he's still running around blindly after 2 years when his relationship lasted just a few months shorter than mine was. it even ended in the same sort of way - with a lot of guilt on our part and how we both learned to cope. its funny how one person can grab you like that and how no matter what happens in the end - no matter if its yours or the other persons fault - you can still be ripped apart. i feel like thats gunna be me next year though - still stumbling around drunken and lonely because i cant seem to pick myself up out of this rut and forgive myself or at least move on. alkwjdawimcselfjsrgipeirpoerpewoir at least the entries are getting fewer about this particular subject. its just sucks that theyre still around and nothing is changing or getting better for me (in terms of this subject anyway, honestly everything else aside from this is going pretty smoothly). i hope he's doing ok though. i really do hope he's moved on like that one dream i had of him showed me.. or at least doing ok which im sure he is. i just, i dont know. i miss it. and i highly doubt im ever gunna find someone that meshes with me quite as well as he did. i know i can find someone i get along with, but can i really get myself to stop comparing people to him, laughing at old jokes we made, or even feeling that i love him? i know this might be stupid but i honestly believe the whole situation of being 'in love' is a one time thing. i think you might have believed you were in love once, but if it didnt work out somehow you werent really "in love" with that person. you might have loved them, but you werent in love. and when i can honestly tell myself im not "in love" then i guess ill be ok. wow, that sounded major emo status right there. im freaking depressing. no wonder im not ok. HA! but uh yea, seriously? ill be ok when i can tell myself that.. OR ill be ok if it really is like a korean love story and they all live happily ever after somehow.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 09:13:37 GMT

summatime (:
time to make my annual list of things to do:

1. EDC fuck yeaaaaa :]
2. dance dance
3. visit the lovely temecula ladies (&maybe some of the boys too)
4. straight coast in SDeezy again (not as much as i'd like but..counts nonetheless)
5. hang with my bitchasses
6. disneylaand :) 6flags, raging waters, &other theme parks
7. save up money (kinda sorta)
8. pay for school
9. "practice"
10. watch the sunrise
11. see the sunset with someoneS sexy. ;P <--whoo minglers! ;P
12. spend time with amazing people (the lovely ladies, friendboys,fams, vgm, ftg, goodlife, etc)
13. catch up on Lost
14. pass summerschool ye boy!
15. BEACH. (tally: IIIII III)
16. skate better
17. finish a painting of my own
18. finish another painting of my own
19. roadtrip (:
20. make a new friendSSSSS i luhhhdem
21. learn to love
22. visit my family
23. watch the stars at night (in my peripherals. haha)
24. cut down
25. lose some weight (so far: 2lbs) sike, im gaining again.
26. cut my hair
27. do a good deed
28. change someone's life
29. get FUCKED up (tally: IIIII IIIII IIIII IIIII IIIII II)
30. hang out with my cousins (some! is better than none)
31. be spontaneous
32. get another piercing
33. fix my skin
34. fix up my place
35. make my bed
36. do something out of character
37. Body Rock
38. be happy. like, really happy.
39. clean my room
40. not lock myself out of my condo
41. steal something (but not a big something)
42. get dressed up for something
43. buy someone a gift
44. feel special
45. see a play and/or a silent film
46. get a hampster :)
47. name him theadore
48. go on adventures.
49. be independent
50. have a good conversation.
51. pay my bills on time <--failed. :(
52. Warped Tour (pomona)
53. Mission Friday
54. webmistress
55. get a new phone
56. catch up with friends.
57. talk for hours on the phone again
58. road trip! vegas baby :]
59. PACcab retreat
60. write a song too bad i forgot it
61. give back to the community GAp community service kinda! :]
62. save some of that CA$SH MONEY <--i got a parking ticket :(
63. have a bbq
64. move out all my stuff from the other room
65. help my cousin move in
66. no beer for the rest of the year <-FAIL.
67. shop shop shop
68. buy a cute cocktail dress &wear it somewhere special.
69. feel infinite.

--
from the "o8" list:
1. go to church on a regular basis <--doing better :]
2. find &keep a job (for more than a month)
3. fully furnish my condominium
4. stop biting my nails
5. get a tat
6. stay positive (trying)
7. keep moving forward
--

&there will be more to come.

and you call yourself a dannnsa?

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 04:04:52 GMT

so tonight i've decided to stay at home &just relaaaax, BUT thats what neva eva happens when you got trishia home by herself. instead, ive been watching dance show after dance show on tv and have been soooo moved and inspired and awed and amazed and whatever other emotions you can feel that any form of art can do to you. and yes, i did get a little overly emotional and cry just a few drips. anyway, so dance. seeing the whole hiphop scene and how its become so much about partying and being cool and better than anyone else, i kind of forgot what dance really means. i mean the majority of people have got it right - it is about entertaining - and that is exactly what all them hiphop heads do and continue to do with every performance but.. what happend to doing it for the love, the individuality, and the passion? i know the love and passion is still there but what happend to the individuality? i know im not a dancer and ill say that again and in bold just so everyone is clear - i know im not a dancer - but isnt dance (especially hiphop) about communicating your own individual self and sharing that beauty (or pain) with everyone else? i know its about so many other things, but i also know that in all forms of art each person's individual self is what makes things so, i dont know, amazing.

i think im just thrown off by how all them hip hoppers have come to dress in the same hype beast tees, nike sneakers, and fitted hats, and how certain people can just go into other people's closets and tell them what is good and bad to wear. i might be thrown off by how all them dancers who once used to have such a huuge diversity of friends, now only limit themselves to their fellow dancer friends and every once in a while when they need some people to teach or fundraise to or just cuz they decide theyre bored they reach out to their old forgotten ones . maybe im just noticing it now that im older or maybe i just miss how things used to be, but i really really really hope all these people remember what theyre dancing for. maybe they are just dancing for the scene and the friends, but if you dance for the love please please please just remember thats why youre doing it. and remember that who you should and shouldnt step on and take advantage of to do what you want to do.

blahblah i dont even remember what the point of this was. honestly, im not trying to give advice to anyone and im not trying to put down, call out, or talk shit on anyone either. i guess im just saying what i think and what ive noticed even though it probably lacks a lot of continuity and no real specific topic besides the general "dance." i really do miss everyone though. i miss how dance used to make them so happy to just go to a class or freestyle in the garage - it was so real back then and easy to see everyones passion. Now its like class is a task, garage sessions are nonexistant, and dance isnt just a hobby that makes them happy but their life that has no room for anyone outside of the select and talented. i guess friends change and people change though so eh. im just sick of all the cookie cutter hip hop dancers and my inability to recognize one dancer from another dancer as they dive in deeper and deeper into the choreo hiphop scene - not the industry hiphop or industry dance scene im not talking about you guys - just the choreo hiphop scene. honestly, i cant even differentiate an exfriend that i used to be able to spot from miles away and some guy i met at the preshow outside the competition. ugh i dkno. i hope i dont make any of my friends mad or whatever on any of these teams because i still think they all are really fun people. i just, i dont know what im talking about. ..but i swear it makes sense when i talk about it with my other friends that notice it. oh whatever. good night i dont make sense

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 21:08:56 GMT

Jesus Pieces keep turning up in my liiife.
maybe its time to put them together?

just maybe.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 07:00:00 GMT

"sometimes you gotta hit rock bottom before you can pick yourself back up"
after a recent turn of events, i really really really really really wish i hadnt been so stupid this past year.

maybe things'll get better.
i hope they will.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 07:54:01 GMT

im kinda worried im biting off more than i can chew for next semester. i'm already busy as it is this summer with 1 online class and 2 jobs, but whats gunna happen next semester when i have official PAC Cab Webmiatress duties, a fulltime 16 unit schedule - 2 being studio art classes, dance classes i plan on still attending, and work at both Gap and Penguins? i probly wont work at Penguins too much but will i even be able to keep my other job with this crazyness going on? but i cant not have a job because then how am i supposed to help out with my PAC duties and whatnot? oh &im thinking i wanna pledge for A phi O. because .. its a service thing and i really do miss doing things for the community rather than just myself. aksjdlajkf ugh. im anticipating a majorly enormous nervous breakdown sometime this fall. if you see it coming, get out the way i might accidentally take you down w me! haha

dee in yo` aaaaaa!

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 06:35:02 GMT

so this weekend was my first time being w cab as their official webmistress. we took care of business, created bondships, party partied up in big bear, &now we ready to take on 08-09.

lookout PAC, this year's gon` be dope.